wassup with mwah

From Drop Box

this photo got nothing to do with the title but im posting it here anyway. because this little girl is the reason for my sanity or insanity.hehehe. no , really just showing off my cute stockings from Aunty Ayen. (and maybe soon from Aunty Lynette (hint* wink*) because mummy is baga ug nawong!

From Drop Box

between looking after this batutay 24/7, making sure mama has eaten her food, trying to look after daddy, keeping the house running, and working 3 part time jobs - I still manage to smile!

everyone says they look alike. sige na lang , bisong ray ako. From Drop Box

Us, lately

From Drop Box just in case you forgot how we look like we now look like this! yes, we are 3 now in the Beeching household Princess Damita Grace looks pretty as always (way magbuot , mama says so) Daddy now has unshaven look and Mummy the unkept hair , not even lip gloss look. bahala na mi ug bati basta ang Princess pretty we were supposed to be the King and Queen we look more like her slaves -LOL!

confessions of a first time mum

being a first time mum is no joke. for almost 10 years i enjoyed my money,my time and my space. all these 3 are gone now.but i am not complaining.as what i have always said i am just stating a fact.

i have read books, listened to friends solicited (and unsolicited) advise or watched experts about parenting BUT still i did not know what to do when i held a baby in my hand. for the first few weeks, i cried with her.yes we cried together but for different reasons.she was probably hungry, gassy or sleepy , me on the other hand was tired, exhausted, confused,sore (CS wound pastilan makatagam!) ,frustrated, disappointed or just plainly crazy.

she is 3 months now and i have slowly accepted the fact that MY life is "over". it is not about me anymore. whatever happens my baby comes first. she is my life,my world...i did not know the true meaning of SELFLESSNESS until i become a mother. that is why i truly believe in the saying "Live life before you give life".

i am dreading the day that i go back to work.when will that be? only God knows. i will try my hardest to stay as long as i can. it is painful to watch my account balance.and i will be lying if i say i don't miss the money because i do . but the thought of leaving her with someone (even mum) breaks my heart.i pray that the Lord will give me the strength to do it because i know one day it will come.

because of her i can face tomorrow

oops now i did it again! sowi mummy, i know you just changed my nappy...

From Drop Box

From Drop Box

..and lastly my fave position. taken on my way to church.

another decade

photo taken from window during our summer get away


It was year 2000 when God gave me the chance to come to NZ and start a new life. It was also the time I passed my PT Boards. 2000 was the beginning of a long journey.

Now 2010. What now? another significant year for me. Every decade God has blessed me something life changing.After 10 years of living my dream, spoiling me and my family and living a child free life I am now about to change it. In the next few weeks, we are not alone. We are both excited of course but I am also nervous.

MY prayer for 2010 will no longer be career, money and dreams to fulfill. For now, it would just be a normal healthy baby, safe delivery, good health for whole family especially david, enough money to survive and LOVE. I think I have been selfish for a decade so it is time for me to be selfless.

I just wonder how will things turn out. But it is not up to me but to the Lord. This year I will be exercising my faith alot especially on finances. But as what Mathew said if God feed the birds how much more us, His children made on His image and likeness. We will survive. I don't know how exactly, but we will.

Another year and another decade. Hmmm.. .it makes me wonder what has God installed for me in 2020?

33 things i learned so far

1. love -you do not necessarily get back what you have given into the relationship.
2. the feelings you have when you were a teen ager and thought you were inlove is NOT love at all.it is more like uwag!LOL.
3. no matter happens you will never be able to turn your back to the people you truly love .you may say enough but you know deep inside somewhere somehow there is always that room for forgiveness. (mao bisan pungot maluoy lang ka gihapon )
4. love is more than just the feelings
5. you find true happiness and contentment when you find true love.
6. you find love when you least expect it.
7. it is easier to discipline other kids but your own. yes, as early as now i realise that already.
8. though i kept saying before my life is complete, having a child soon makes my life complete AND colorful.
9. God can change your heart if you pray about it. even i can not believe i am having a baby soon!i could not even imagine typing this 5 years ago.
10. happiness means true love, good health and enough money to pay the bills.
11. you meet great people, find best friends but still blood is thicker than water.
12. work is just work. at the end of the day you are just another nuumber on the payroll. and i should not stress about it!
13. work hard even if no one is watching. having a good work ethics will always help you get to the next level.
14. be honest, work hard and and be genuine to all the people you are dealing with and they can see that in you. you do the opposite they will run a mile, they are not dumb to see it.
15. i may not have been compensated well monetarily with the efforts i have put into the job but i can say i am compensated enough with simple thank you's and a warm smile
16. being able to help people financially is like helping them for life.
17. have the initiative, be organised and creating a system that works for you will surely lead you to success.
18. always be grateful for people that helped you.
19. do not burn bridges especially with your former boss - who knows you will need to cross that bridge someday
20. honesty is the best policy.sounds so cliche but it is still the best advise i got
21. if you work hard make sure you play harder
22. religion is a ritual practice , christianity is a lifestyle.
23. in HIM i find security for the future, freedom from worldly demands and contentment in simple things.
24. no amount of shoes, branded handbags and latest fashions will make me happy.human by nature will never be contented.
25. again, the best things in life are free... watching the sun sets, breathing fresh air on top of the mountain and feeling the kicks of your baby.
26. the best lesson mama gave is to constantly rely on God.
27. do not stop praying.a prayer is justa simple chat not necessarily a long memorised combination of words.
28. having that relationship with HIM is vital to live on this world full of trials and temptation.
29. when God says NO it means NO. i should not insist He knows better and he can see my future. just obey,saves you years of heartache.
30. trials make or break you. i see it as a stepping stone instead of a stumbling block.
31. a prayerful mum is the best mum.thanks ma for being my prayer warrior.
32. W.W.J.D? what would Jesus do? - the best question i ask myself if i get tempted or confused.
33. that i may need to read this again and again because i know sometimes there things i wrote here that i can not always follow.

Thank you Lord for the life you gave, the people I met and the continued blessings everyday!

this is it!

From Drop Box

Gabriel : tita, you are on my way

Tita: sorry tita thinks she is still slim.

no not the MJ movie.but i am referring to my life, my situation right now and this is me. there is no more turning back. i am officially 6 months today and this baby is getting bigger each day.praise God ! i can no longer hide it nor disguise with baggy clothes. lucky it is getting warmer so i can wear my preggy empire cut tops and dresses i used to have even before i was pregnant.lucky it was and hopefully still is the fashion.if not then tough cos i aint buying any.

i went to my monthly LMC check up today and because i know i have brilliant memory (preggy brain i call) i made sure that my pregnancy record book is visible so that i will just grab it when im ready to go. i put it on top of the clothes i plan to wear that day and guess what happened next? i changed into my clothes and obviously not noticing the book slipped to the floor bcos i went to the clinic without it.sure enough it was on the floor when i arrived. but the good thing is all my bloods and glucose test are normal! yey! i was so worried of getting gestational diabetes. i was eating lots of sweets for the past weeks.but thankfully it is all good. when my LMC tried to liste to baby's heartbeat she find it hard to hear .we can only hear a very soft sound and this is maybe because of the way she is lying down. true enough we can hear a big thud when she persist on pushing the doppler. she was kicking her! left and right! well, i defended my girl by saying "ikaw bay iduot di ba ka manikad!" hmmm...seems like she has an attitude already -liwat ni mummy!

blessed sunday

i woke up early today because i need to grab something to eat. yes, until now i still feel hungry even if i am asleep. it is 5.30am now anyway so i might as well start the day early. but side from that the Lord have uttered words into my ears that really sank into my heart.

trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT in your own understanding

(so stop worrying normita -note to self)

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper and not harm you ...

(yes Lord I should always always remember that)

i am worried about mum's health .everytime i ring she has either is sick. it is either fever and /or cough. i know it is not major one but having it so often alarms me. but still hopeful me handed in a visitor visa application. i know they will ask for medical and i know that once they do that she will not pass. but hey, God works in mysterious waysright? aside from the application fee i do not really lost anything.

i am also worried about sister's situation. she sounds,like it is the end of the world out there. you know , hard life no money, etc,etc....if this was maybe 5 years ago i will fight back and say Mirise! no one told you to choose that life but you. but I have gone past that now. really, how can my bantering helps? so me and david have spent most of our savings with her visa application . now we are on the last stages. the dreaded interview. anytime soon they can just say No thanks and so is our several hundred thousand pesos. it might not be much for some but for a couple who are earning average income, baby on the way, a mortgage to pay it is already something.

but... i will not fret. instead i woke up and prayed. there are so much things to THANK for. and i have already done my best and just leave it all to God for the rest. i just pray that God will give me strength and more FAITH to keep going inspite of disappointments. if it will not go my way maybe He has other plans. and His plan is the best for us. lately, some of my friends have been having a life detour. no matter how much you plan your life He has ways of taking you to another route unexpectedly!

small gestures with lasting effect

the title of this post means 2 things.but i try to have this site a happy place so the nasty meaning is written in my multiply blog. and yes, i am fine.

david gave me this bunch of little rose buds after a long stressful freaky day. yes, he is a sweet guy . i am so blessed to have a thoughtful man in my life.it took away my fear when i saw this bunch of flowers waiting on my side of bed. if only i could take it to work and put it on my desk to help me forget the nasty experience.

i don't like pink

we are having a princess.

but i promised myself not to turn her like a pink lolly. she will be a princess in our hearts but she will be a different one. the one that helps daddy mows the lawn, climb trees and play maring -maring. yes, she will teach kiwi kids how to have fun on jandals and not barbie. the one that finds pleasure in 2 wooden sticks called siato and will have a great time in playing in a big brown box.

simplicity is the key. i grew up poor but i did not feel deprived . i admit there were moments that i feel like life is not fair but looking back i am thankful that i was born to not rich parents. it taught me contentment and true happiness by finding pleasure in simple things. people that truly loves you is what matters.

when the radiographer told us i had mixed emotions. happy that everyhting is ok and excited and scared at the same time. but we can only lead by example and i think that is the hardest part!

so calling all tita's - feel free to suggest a name as we got no clue at all.

what is next?

the future

unknown

exciting

nerve wracking

but

faith and love

will put us through.

amen.

the choice

today, i had to choose.

to excel and be brilliant with work

or just be plain and simple mum.

i choose the latter.

and i feel good.

so kebs mo diha.

i don't care if you give me flat zero in my appraisal

i am so not trading this with a name or fame

been there, done that.

gives you temporary joy.

when i decided to have you

i did not decide half heartedly

i promised to give my whole my life

gave up my freedom , my career

but YOU are so worth it.

quietly happy

i know i have been slack. but i have an excuse - im pregnant so i can be lazy! LOL. but it does not mean i do not miss you because i do.

i am quiet but i am happy. normally when there is so much chaos i don't blog. don't like to share worries with friends. but it is different this time.

happiness #1 my tulips are blooming!!!!!!!!! as in gi-una jud . i have been wanting tulips since i saw how L's garden at home . yes i am a copy cat! hehehe..

happiness #2 i am on my second trimester and i am feeling better. the gagging and exhaustion still there but i am used to it now. this tuesday is my first visit to my LMC. and in 5 weeks time we will know if baby is a boy or a girl. yes, i did the ring test and the ring just went back and forth.unsa man na? can you tell?

happiness#3 my aunty's travel is granted so mum's coming seems to be a reality now. her travel plan is dependent on aunty you see. so i have now finally sent the supporting docs and we will talk about the airfare later(remember this is a happy blog)

happiness#4 grateful to read friend's daily escapades.
- i can feel someone's grand time being pampered in cebu. no housework sounds so much fun! urgh! igat! lol..miss you.
- her and her family spending most of the time on the beach this summer ...oh ... sounds so relaxing... happy to know she is enjoying her "new life" good choice to leave Indy jud!lol..
- she is as always busy.i know her mom is not well but i know she has lotsssss of angels who will carry her heavy heart as she is most loved.so happy for her to have real people in her life .you can tell she still looks like she is 16 .
- she is learning a new skill.unsa man ang dili nimo mahimo oi?multi talented na jud ka. she is going home this december again. she is such a lucky lucky girl!

change

if someone told me that i will get fat, lose my job and broke i will tell them they are mad for even thinking i will do it. few years ago, motherhood for me was more of a hassle than a gift.honestly i thought of that. but somehow God has changed my heart. i don't know when and how but He just did. i could not imagine doing all these things before. but believe it or not i do not find pleasure in shopping anymore, i could not care less if i gain a few pounds( or more aside from the fact i dont have size 10 or 12 clothes to wear) or be a stay home mum and have my brain they call stagnant.

i do not know what our future will be but i am looking forward to it. i am excited to new beginnings. i pray for God's blessing of good health for David as we will all now depend on him for our survival, patience same as my mother and being strong and positive in dealing life's challenges. i know it won't be easy.

expecting

yes ,we are.

dreaming again

sphagetti
buttered chicken
pinakbet and piniritong isda
tender juicy hotdog
lumpia
ube jam
i want to go home and eat all these
and i do not want it bought from outside
luto ra ni mama
and way mopalag,ok!

tidbits

i am feeling guilty already. i have been slack at work, at home and on this cyberspace. someday soon i will be back to my normal self. i hope.

yes i am not normal these past few weeks as you know. if you have been my friend for some time you know i am not the silent type. but things happen and chnage can actually slow you down.

***

we had a heart to heart talk .she is going out for dinner again tomorrow night. she knows i love Uncle M that is why just switching it off is not easy for me. it will take time. i thought she will too. but i have just to accept the fact that people are different. at least now she understand. i am not being selfish to her i just want her to be happy. not for the sake of it. i don't like desperate women. i find them too cheap.

***

something happened at work .it is now under investigation. i am curious and same time i am scared. it will mean that the job will be on me. no pls . it is a nice thought but not now. i am not ready.

***

looking forward to november. that is the scheduled time my mama is coming here in nz with aunty.she can not travel alone anymore that is why i am so happy that aunty is going home. but before i get too excited i better hurry up in sending my supporting docs. argh! have i told i have been abnormally lazy. i hate lazy people and that includes me.

like a lil girl

From Drop Box

she is dating again. i am not comfortable with it to be honest. it is not that i do not want her to be happy, i am just not used to be seeing another man in the house aside from my Uncle Merv. He was special. he is gone 1 year now and people reckon it is time. reallY is there such a time frame. i think when you really love someone it is not that easy to just go out and date again. maybe i am being immature. i am not used to it. grandma, lola, mama and everyone in my family remained single since their hubby left them to be with the Lord. i do not want aunty to stay the same. i want her to be with someone someday.but not now. for me it is too soon. and maybe also i did not like the way they met. i am conservative that way.

i can not help but compare him with uncle merv. yes, he is only few years older than her now but even if uncle Merv was 15 years older he did not look that old. he was always neat and tidy, tall and in good build. this one looks rugged and old. one thing that makes him attractive is his beautiful huge house infront of the water.his boat sitting nicely infront while the sun strikes through the big glass wall on his house." i dont love him yet but i will learn to love him one day. ", she said.WHAT?! for me love is not taught . i can not imagine myself forcing myself to someone. you can at least be little be attracted to the person right?

she said she need to be with someone to help her pay the bills. (you wish!) she wants to enjoy life and not work too hard anymore as she is getting older. s0 why not just work smarter. save money and go for holiday later . the problem with people is they want everything right now without lifting a finger as much as possible. why do you have to use a man to experience the nice things in life. why not use your brain not your body? she answered, why not use both?

eversince i came here in nz, my aunty and i never really were in the same wavelength when it comes to men. remember the drama me and david went through ? anyway, i hope this man will treat her well. and i hope someday i will learn to accept him.

and guess what Daniella said when she first met him? "he is not my Uncle Lolo (how we call uncle merv) he is yacky!"

back to the land of the living

just... i do not want to sound negative but i am really trying here. but there is a fine line between careless and oversensitive when it comes to health. i want to listen to my body but i do not want to be labelled as hypochondriac either.

so i am out here. trying.hoping.believing.

i got a wake up call today. my BM told me to toughen up. wow! that hurts. i never considered myself to be such a princess. i thought i was strong . obviously not for everyone. when it comes to self i am a marshmallow.when it comes to family i am a steel. i do my best to be their rock (bisan sakit diay tinuod)

anyway, it was actually nice to have a break. to just browse other people's blog and sit back and relax.

TGIF

I am so glad it is friday. I do not like to go to work lately because the ice outside is not inviting. We do not really have heavy snow here in Auckland (thank God for that!) but during winter we still have this thin layer of snow covering our car every monring. The pressure at work is too much as well at the moment ...or maybe it is only me. I take work seriously that's why. im not bragging but i have gathered few awards and certificates now in my 5 months stay there in that branch. And everytime I received one I am almost half thankful(way batasan no?) coz deep inside im asking "pwede convert to cash na lang ni ?"i noticed my manager has not been in the branch lately and has been very good in delegating jobs to mwah. i am flattered at first but now i feel the pressure. always, i say to her i do not want to be a BM someday... i just want to be an ordinary person doing a great job! so weekends are the only time when i do not have to think hard , act seriously and try hard to be the best. that is why i love weekends

another reason why i look forward to weekends is because me and David got part time cleaning jobs. so far it is the best job i have so far.no kidding.and i don't care if i am just a cleaner.at least we get to have a holiday every year di ba?i love being a cleaner.why? because i am paid well without pulling my hair & gaining a wrinkle. and aside from getting time to spend with david, i also get to exercise without actually torturing myself. so yey for cleaning job! i can't wait to spend all our cleaning pay in the philippines and HK next year!

best of all - my mum will be out from the hospital tomorrow! I know my savings account has gone to a deep dive lately. you know me , i do not like spending money. but if it will make my mama better than it is fine. the other side of it is - ngano ako ra man kuno?my friends say... ako ra ba diay anak?if i am not here i am sure they will find a way .why can't they do that now? anyway, let us not go into that now afterall this blog is supposed to be happy.and i guess that will be another blog story. basta mum's gone home and i am fine. i can save again bitaw. mama is getting better each day and that is all that matters for now.

again thank God it is friday!